When my daughter came out – Ann’s story

Feeling isolated

Even though Bec had come out to her family, there would be many difficulties at school. Because Bec spent her first couple of years at high school largely in solitude, focused on discovering her sexuality, she lacked a strong network of friends. Coming out made her feel more isolated, not helped by living in a country town where there were not many teens like her.

“Her next few years were hellish … she was bullied and ostracised”

Her next few years at high school were hellish, due largely to a period where she was bullied and ostracised by the few friends she had. Although Bec does not believe this was motivated by her coming out, it just added to her loneliness.

“Most of her friends are straight, so they’re always chatting about their boyfriends, and she gives them relationship advice, which is hilarious,” says Ann. “She is still going to the youth group, but there are very few people there, which is a shame.”

Bec ended up with bad anxiety, for which she still takes medication.

Isolation as a gay teenager

Year 12: exams, friends and formal

Bec is in her final year of school and things are looking up socially.

“She has a small group and they are good friends,” says Ann. “They include Bec and she feels comfortable with them. But it is a group of about 10 kids out of 160 students, which means in some classes there is nobody for her to talk to.”

Ann is very proud of her daughter’s attitude to going to school. “I know it can be miserable sitting in class not talking to people. Bec declares that she feels ‘freakishly self-contained’. Just so long as she can keep up a decent standard of work and not get stressed out I will be more than pleased.”

“For Bec to put on a dress and high heels would be so out of character and if she feels that she will be more comfortable in top and pants then that is fine”

Bec still has no lesbian friends – “apart from her 1,150 Tumblr followers who are Australian and international and anonymous”.

But the main challenge of the foreseeable future is the Year 12 formal – not who to take, but what to wear.  After some discussion and hunting in stores, Bec has decided to wear pants to the formal.

“I am ok with this,” says Ann, “as I want her to feel like she is being true to herself. For Bec to put on a dress and high heels would be so out of character and if she feels that she will be more comfortable in top and pants then that is fine.”
Next: What does the future hold?

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  1. I am glad your daughter felt comfortable telling you & it has been ok. After our daughter came out as lesbian we were ok at first then we had some issues too. I found the PFLAG Australia Website which is mentioned in the ‘What next’ story. Since then I have become part of PFLAG which has become a great support network for me.

  2. Thekids says:

    Thanks Helen – I’ve added the PFLAG link to this story now.

  3. Fi @ My Mummy Daze says:

    This is such an encouraging article! Bec sounds so mature and supported by her family. Thanks so much for linking up! Fi x
    Fi @ My Mummy Daze recently posted..I’m a Blogger & I’m PRO Gay MarriageMy Profile

  4. Great to see such positive stories of coming out 🙂 Thanks for sharing it.
    Glowless recently posted..Marriage is so gayMy Profile



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